Como say what? Baking Powder?

               It’s that time again everyone. The most anticipated reality show since Steven Seagal Law Enforcement is back. And let me put it this way…I AM SO PUMPED ABOUT IT! You already know what I am referring to and I’m sure, judging by all the FB status updates, that everyone has already seen the first episode of Jersey Shore Season 3. To no avail, the first episode started off where it left off. For me, I really don’t care much about the “relationships” in the house outside of my favorite team, MVP. No one cares about how long Ronnie and Sammi Sweetheart have been “strong”, we just want to see action. But there is more to this post than just talking about the only show I look forward to until the next season of Its Always Sunny and the Office come back. Let’s dissect.

                Jersey Shore is one of those shows that make me think I can be famous for nothing at all. I mean I could party every day and work at a gelato shop with no shortness of breath. I could GTL every day with ease. I could do all of those activities they do, probably easier. I sit around my own house and do nothing for hours and I don’t even get paid. They sit around a renovated loft and stare into the ceiling and get thousands of dollars. Maybe if I renovated my house and put some trendy artwork, someone would want to film me do nothing.

                But the fact that people are famous for doing such shows really comes to no surprise to me. I just would like to be there with them honestly. What an easy life it would be. I think athletes have an easy life. Take for example football players; they play 16 games a year, practice for a normal “desk job” 8 hours a day, and live the life because they are famous. Why the hell is Vince Young being the biggest baby since Johnny Mcenroe was on the tennis circuit? The only difference between these two babies is that Mcenroe was exciting to watch and his antics were worth his complaining. It essentially made for good entertainment. But come on Vince. You have a college national championship ring, a diploma from the University of Texas, Chris Johnson as your right hand man, and millions of dollars. Yet you still complain about playing a sport that billions would give anything to do. Grow up clown. Reasons like this make me want to only follow games on Fantasycast instead of watching them.

                Back to the main point of this post. I have said for years that I would love to be on an MTV reality show. For three months, individuals get to be on TV and famous and watched by millions of people. How awesome would that be?! I think, regardless of how much hate surrounds reality TV, anyone would, in a heartbeat, take the offer if it was given. I know I would. Yes obviously there is more to life than being on MTV; such as having a career, family, friends, and a social life. But for three months you can’t stand and say “I would not like to live the easy life and be famous for it.” Not no one could say that…not no one (yes, my grammar is not correct because that’s how I would say it). Especially the Jersey Shore cast. Before this, the only person who was even known was Pauly D. He has been on the DJ circuit for years. But not only that, he represents Italy on all his equipment and also his skin. Disregard that stupid Cadillac ink he has on his side…his ride doesn’t even have wheels bigger than 20 inches. Really? Way to roll with the big guns.

                My favorite part of the show consists of two things; partying and fighting. Lets get into the specifics here:

Partying

• These people party every night it seems. I know everything is edited for TV and time constraints, but I do believe that it is possible that they party every night of the week. When you have no obligations besides working 3 hours at a t shirt stand, of course you will party.
• Not only do they party every night, they do it for free. Even when they are not on the show, people pay them tens of thousands of dollars to come party. Even better, club promoters blast their pictures on flyers and all sorts of electronic media to get more people to come. I am sure for their appearance; they get a cut of that as well. Sounds like a good solid 4 hours of “work,” if you ask me.
• When I party or attempt to party, I never seem to go as hard as them. I have a real, 8-5 job that I work during the week, and other activities I like to do. So yes, I will never be on their level. But cant a boy dream? If my 8-5 consisted of working out, tanning, doing laundry…I would love it. That’s really all these people do. They don’t sit and stare at spread sheets all day and listen to Corpo big wigs complain that a spreadsheet has too much information on it, they just enjoy the simple things in life.
• Everyone wants to be around them at the clubs/bars they go to. Now that they are famous, they are a big deal. The first season was understandable. No one knew who they were and that is why Snookie got blasted in the face. Even though, I’ll admit, none of the guys are that attractive, everyone wants to be around them because they are famous. Does that make them fake (the people who want to be associated with fame)? Most certainly. But I do think that it is an extension of their own life that the person would want to live, not what their everyday life is like. What’s a life without a little dreaming? BORING!
• It looks like they are having the time of their life. These kids, ok they are not kids but adults, look like they are having so much fun. I do not think that Vinny and Pauly D stop dancing the whole time. I’ve tried that…turned into a wet t-shirt contest…but that’s not attractive when it’s under my armpits or back sweat.  For them it doesn’t matter. Would a jewel encrusted shirt hide my sweat marks? Maybe some Ed Hardy dragons or tigers would do the trick. I’ll run some lab tests and get back to everyone.

Favorite party trio: MVP hands down.

I could go on forever about this diagnostic. But let’s move on to point two

Fighting

• Now I don’t mean relationship fighting. You don’t need TV to see that. Just take a look over your left shoulder and bam you got that situation. I mean altercations. A house with 4 tough guys, all juiced up on…juice, and clashing egos only mean one thing, there is going to be a brawl. But for me, this is the part that is the most entertaining. Just like in hockey. I don’t want to watch 3 hours of hockey when the score is only 1-0; I want to see some action. Best part is, they don’t break up fights until it hits the floor. Two guys could fight on the ice for minutes if they could stand up long enough. Now that’s entertainment. Same goes for me watching UFC. I don’t care how awesome that leg lock is or how great the execution is of a takedown. If a guy isn’t getting his face blasted in, I don’t care. I could watch two guys wrestle for free on the internet and probably get a nice surprise at the end of it. Do I do that, no, cause that’s not my style. I am just saying that the option is there.
• Apparently they are pushing the limits to what is shown on reality TV. Now girls are joining in the action. But for these Jersey Shore broads, their punches almost never land square on the others face. It may look like JWoww is throwing a nice right jab, but as we saw last night she missed. A slap in the face or hair pulling is just dirty fighting but highly entertaining. When there are baby Snooki fists flying around is when it’s exciting.
• For the guys, I am surprised that Ronnie and Mike are able to cock their fists in the ready position. Let’s face it, they are no Bruce Lee and cannot perform a punch with the same force from 2 inches than a fully reared back fist. But I would imagine getting hit with someone with that sort of mass would put me down…or anyone for that matter. It’s just science. But I rather enjoyed watching Ronnie ground pound that guy two seasons ago. I wouldn’t run my mouth on a guy, regardless of range of motion, who has 40 lbs on me. That’s just silly. But would I watch it happen to someone else and sit and think “man I am sure glad that’s not me?” You bet your sweet ass I would. It just makes for entertaining TV.

                The show is designed to involve no brain process at any time. It is not thought provoking, there is no scholastic value to it, and it doesn’t even report the news. But here in America, the greatest country in the entire world, it is one of the best guilty pleasures ever created. Just think, if people would just not eat so much sugar, but rather replace it with an hour of indulging in reality TV, maybe the would might not be so jacked up on short term energy. Yes we might be an hour lazier, but we would laugh more, have more in common with fellow man, and maybe learn something new about a different culture that we might not ever get to experience in real life.

…Chyeah right Chet...Who am I kidding…Reality TV is ruining America. But I still love it.